like christmas morning

i am leaving on my getaway tomorrow morning, and i am giddy like an 8 year old the day before christmas. My insides are jumping, twisting, and dancing, my brain is even flipping all over the place!! 3 days of nothing but sleeping, meals made for me, and crafting. I am super excited about the crafting!!!! I am excited about being away, being on my own (this year i booked my own room!), sleeping when i want to, even buggering off if i feel like it. i am entirely at my own devices and that is a rare thing once you are married and have  children who are too young to be independent. I want to jump, hop and dance all over, but i do not have the body of an 8 year old and so i sit, all day, no matter what i am doing, with a stupid ass grin on my face telling anyone who will listen all about my weekend coming up. goofball!

If there were to be a dark shadow lingering off to the side, only slightly colouring my excitement, it would be buddy boy (MM). I told TH that my getaway started a day earlier than it does. Originally i told him that so i could meet with buddy boy and actually spend the night with him. but as it got closer the idea of spending a night, in a motel or whatever, on my own in a town i am totally not familiar with, seemed like a great idea. Especially post surgery where i still have little threads sticking out of holes in my skin that i desperately want to pull and was told emphatically to leave them the hell alone. LOL. My getaway is lovely! but i am still surrounded by ladies i know. a night with no one around? *sigh* to eat what and when i want to? pull out my crafting if i want? play music? nap?

but i had told buddy boy i would be there and that he could come and join me if he wanted. and he could come for an hour or the night. i haven’t even heard back from him. now, he still has a chance to respond, but i don’t think he will. this is my little black shadow. i dont’ even get the decency of a response. It won’t ruin my night, and won’t ruin my weekend. but it will cross my mind, and i will be upset when i think about it.

Big Steps in the right direction

yay! i am sleeping on my side again! for little bits at least, a huge improvement!

all my stupid steri-strips are off!!!

all the steri-tape goo is off my skin (that took nearly 30 min this morning armed with organic baby oil left over from the boy, seriously surprised that crap hadn’t gone bad!)

i still get pangs of pain, nothing that lasts too long, and i am 80% back to normal.

These things are making me very happy!

Plus! i have had the best weekend with my daughter! I love going out just the two of us, shopping with nothing in mind and just cause.

another measure

today was, by far, a better day. It had a rough start, arguing with my daughter before school and i hate starting her day like that. she was up too late last night and made for a rougher day for her. I didn’t take on anything stressful or taxing, and feeling pretty good.

i had a nap, though. and it wasn’t a good nap. it was one of those where you aren’t really sleeping, but you cannot open your eyes and do not feel able to drag your sorry ass out of bed. like a drug, almost. it didn’t feel good.

i didn’t take any pain meds today. i had to take half of one last night at bed time, and i will probably have to again tonight. for some reason i find laying down the most uncomfortable now, that and sitting way upright. my guts ache. i suppose that makes sense considering where they were poking LOL.

this weekend isn’t going to be too taxing. i need to rest up. next weekend i am on retreat!!!! woo hoo!!! and i need to be all better 😀

small measure of success

i did not take any pain meds today. almost 24 hours! it sure as hell didn’t make me the happiest of campers LOL, i am very happy that i was not on the receiving end of my misery today. even TH noticed and he NEVER notices.

his statement? “bad day?”

i found it funny because it didn’t even begin to describe my day, but he noticed. course, it’s hard not to notice when your wife is practically bitting your face off every time you speak, and even sending unsolicited text messages at work. LOL

maybe i should have taken the stupid pills…

fingers crossed tomorrow goes better

bouncing like a brick

i am seriously disappointed that i am not completely better. i am still hurting (nowhere near as bad as last week) i seem to be slowly getting better. everyday feels a bit better than the last, but i am still needing pain meds at least once a day. i really thought that a week after this surgery i would feel like it hadn’t happened.

sitting upright still hurts, achy-like. the steri-tape is still on all of the incisions. my back and neck are killing me from having to sleep in the same regimented position all night without break. i have to sleep slightly inclined, on my back, with a pillow under my neck. i cannot tell you how much i want to sleep on my side for just one night!! soon enough, i suppose.

yesterday i went grocery shopping because i always go on the same day. i don’t think it even occurred to me NOT to go LOL. it killed me! i had my son with me and i just don’t think i thought about how hard it would be. and then lifting the spoils of my shopping trip, stupid. but no way around it.

is it age? i am mid 30’s, isn’t it too soon for my body to be letting me down like this? i am not used to feeling like this, unable. frustration. i am not so good at patience, i am sure i mentioned that..

1.5 days past surgery

i am feeling better. i got better medications yesterday, and because of that i actually got a full night of sleep (except for waking up as i was due for my next pain pill). the down side of my full night of sleep is that i have to sleep in the exact same position which caused back pain and a headache that for some reason the pain meds won’t fix.. LOL.. go figure that one!

i am pretty mobile, i took a mini shower. no where near as satisfying as i was hoping but at least i don’t smell. i have a retreat coming up and i have been going through my stuff, little bits at a time. i have been reading, watching movies, and playing on the computer all while holed up in the spare room. it is almost like a mini vacation.

TH wants to go to work this afternoon. while i am feeling a little better, i am not ready to be sole care giver for our son yet. He is a lovely, busy, climber, jumper, etc..  i should be fine for tomorrow though.

TH has been great with the kids, and has surprisingly not asked me for any help. i have volunteered some, but only as much as i could. i am not completely up to snuff, and i think it is nap time :). this post is a little disjointed, chalk it up to the pain meds LOL..

Uncaring??

it’s probably not a good sign to have a question as a topic title, but i am sitting here and don’t know what to call this post. I was talking with TH last night about a bunch of things. One of which is my up coming surgery. I told him that he would need to take a few days off work, the day of my surgery and a day or two after.

I don’t have to take time off, he says to me. so i tell him that i won’t be able to look after the kids. “whatever, we’ll figure it out. and i don’t need be off the day of you surgery. i can drop you off, and pick you up.”

i am angry. i stood up and told him that it was wonderful to know he didn’t give a rat’s ass about me and i went to bed. i am pretty sure he rolled his eyes and it never crossed his mind again. God forbid anything should interfere with work. I can almost guarantee he is going to try and make me continue on like i am fine, and keep the kids, go about my day as usual.

UPDATE: well, TH just called me and said “i don’t know what happened when we were talking last night, you didn’t think i was serious. did you?” yes i did. i told him that. Don’t be silly, he says… there are some things that just don’t even need to be talked about. of course i will drive you. arrggghhhh. i have no idea what we are doing about the kids though.. between school, maybe and extra daycare day and my mother in law;…. we’ll see

suzie homemaker

it’s really funny. i have been back home for a week now, and i have been different. even i can see it.

i have practically turned into suzie freaking homemaker. i am making dinner every single night, even planning ahead and taking meat out. i am not normally that organized, i wing it and hour before dinner time and often TH makes dinner because he can come up with something when i am convinced we have nothing to eat in the entire house LOL.

I am back to school ready. i have gone through all the kids clothes, shoes, jackets, sweaters, hats, and supplies. i am normally pretty good with this, but this year i seem to have it down to an art. funny

In spite of the fact that i am exhausted every moment of every day, i am pretty well up on all my cleaning and laundry.

I wonder if this is due, at least in part, as a reaction to the visit with my parents and sister. maybe in defiance of their clutter and chaos? also, TH is working like crazy. At work for 8ish, home for dinner and back at work until 2 or 3am. it is really nice that he is making the effort to be here for dinner. i appreciate it.

i was up with gall bladder pains most of the night and am painfully exhausted today. one month to my surgery.