what i want

i told my very good friend K about mylast talk with TH. her husband is even worse than TH is many ways, but their marriage is in slightly better shape than mine. she asked me what it was i wanted out of that conversation.

i told her that what i wanted was for him to say “ok, fine. this sucks, we’re over, lets get this figured out.” and all amicable. lol.. sounds like a fairy tale thinking about it later. she asked if i wanted it to be his idea. i said no, but that i wanted him to see what i was saying, realize he isn’t going to change and that it isn’t what is best for me.

Pergatory

LOL a little dramatic, i know..

so, i decided to take the reigns with buddy boy, and tell him when I could meet and that if he couldn’t  be there, it would be some time before i will be able to meet up with him. that day was yesterday. i didn’t hear from him. i was PISSED.

i haven’t seen him since april, barely heard from him, i was so angry i was ready to delete my entire e-mail address. however, it is also the address i have listed with the internet site i met him through.

i got thinking.

so i went back on that site, fixed up my profile and figured i would try and find someone new.

i don’t really WANT  to find someone new. i hate the idea, the process, and the sleezeballs you have to put up with filtering through to find someone to make a connection with. but it was mostly just because i was mad.

he sent me an e-mail finally. he has a health complaint, has had it for quite some time. it flares a bit and calms down. according to his e-mail, it is not only NOT calming down, he is on pain killers all day and can’t sleep at night. i have total sympathies for him there, but is this part of the rollercoaster? and what is it i am supposed to do? do i wait? i can’t do anything for him except send sympathetic e-mails… move on? a little cold hearted or what?

so here i am in pergatory and not sure what to do about it…