he’s outta there!!!

so.. it won’t be a surprise to long time readers that i have been deeply unsatisfied with buddy boy (MM)’s behavior of late. actually, not even of late… it has always been irritating, but i have had done with it now. i have been searching for MM2.0, and i found him today. He hasn’t gone through the physical 😉  as of yet, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

i feel kinda bad, i have been with BB for over 6 years.. but i need someone that can see me more than a couple of times in a year, who won’t just drop off the map for weeks and weeks and then come back with the lamest of excuses.

I still have one or two gentlemen that i may have coffee with, but i don’t expect that i will like them better than 2.0

cause i feel like it – kinda

well, i actually kinda feel like posting. not sure it will amount to much, but let’s give it a shot, shall we?? LOL…

my son is doing.. ok. not fixed yet, but better enough that it isn’t occupying every waking thought

my daughter and i haven’t been getting along at all, and i am working on that one. there are a couple of key phrases that if i say them to her, she immediately erupts in tears, whining, throwing herself on the floor, water works, fighting, screaming.. etc.. i am sure any one with a daughter will recognize the drama. i have to work really hard at not screaming back at her, speaking to her calmly, try and get her to calm down. she is completely irrational in these moments, and they last FOREVER. we had one the other day and when it was all over, my head, neck and shoulders were aching from holding in my temper, my anger, and my darkerside. but i did it. and by the time she went to sleep we were ok again. it’s really hard and bothers me horribly!!

things at home are still status quo

I am starting, just in the last day or so, to feel a bit better, start picking back up with the cleaning, cooking, effort… hopefully the posting will pick back up again too… my boy has been waking up at the beginning of what used to be my quiet time… i think i need to reorganize my day 🙂

MIA

sorry i haven’t posted. things have  been crazy here.. i am working my ass off to lose weight, i have a blog for that too lol…and my son is having a minor health concern that is taking up a fair amount of my time and energy. add to that, the fact that i am having headaches more days than not, my daughter has activities most evenings, and it is status quo with TH. i haven’t seen BB in longer than i care to recall, and barely heard from him. i’m still adjusting to my new bc, it even decided i shouldn’t have my monthly visitor at all… so i feel out of wack.

i hope you will all forgive me while i work out my kinks 😀

cleaning is hormonal

honestly! think about it.. just before you have your babies, you go through what they call “nesting” where you go on some weird cleaning jag. totally hormonal.

i bet if you tracked your successful cleaning days, they would be cyclical and fall in the same place on your monthly cycle. unless of course you are one of those crazy OCD people that i don’t get 😛

the point of this post is that i mentioned trying a new contraceptive pill. right? well, today i cleaned out the fridge. I CLEANED THE FRIDGE? i have no idea how often most people clean their fridges, but i normally attack mine on a ‘need to” basis. something spills, i clean. easy.

noooo… yesterday i wrote it on my to-do list for today and in spite of the fact that i was exhausted after a horrible night of sleep (thanks to my mom, post to follow LOL) i STILL tore apart my fridge, dismantled it, cleaned the entire thing and put it all back together and then i immediately dealt with the “oh my god i can’t believe that is still in there” AND the “huh… i don’t remember even buying that. what is that for?” how impressive is that.

hubby was so impressed that while i had dear daughter at her dance class, he pulled the damn thing out and vacuumed AND washed the floor.

my weekend was filled with productive cleaning that has been on my to-do list longer than i care to think about. should they market the damn pill as the cleaning pill that happens to be a contraceptive?? let’s see if it sticks before i mention it to their marketing department

absent and other miscellany

i haven’t been posting here much.. i have been reading and commenting some.. but i am trying really hard to lose weight, i have a blog for that too lol… and that is where most of my energies have gone.

i’m also not waking up as early, and that is my usual posting time

also, i started a new contraception pill, and i am a bit cranky… my sister even noticed over the phone! LOL she told me i was very argumentative.. i am really hoping that calms down some.

the other night i had a bad dream. think ’28 days later” combined with elements of “outbreak,” “avatar,” and “gorillas in the mist” – ya, i know… too wierd. just be happy it wasn’t your dream lol!! i woke up at 4am, and cuddled into hubby. he held me til our alarms went off, and then asked if i wanted to talk about it. it was a great moment.

other than that, things are pretty uneventful.. i’ll try to post more often, but i am just not feeling like it.

Falling Apart

I am feeling really quite old these days. i really hoped that having my gall bladder out would stop all the pain, and while that particular pain is gone, there are others that are still around and one or two new ones.

my doctor sent me for an ultrasound of my abdomen because of pains i feel in my kidney area, and behind my belly button.

yesterday i had to go for a CT scan and today the optometrist for a really weird thing happened to my eye last thursday.

then i had to have blood work to check my thyroid levels because they have to be synthetically replaced and monitored.

i am running out of body parts i can do without LOL… i wish i had some answers

warpath

holy christ. wherever you are, thank your lucky stars you are no where near me!!! i am on a freaking warpath!! i feel totally out of body, i can’t even give straight answers when the lady at the coffee shop wanted to know my order, and i sat there and stared into space for 20 minutes waiting for the mall to open. i don’t even think my brain was thinking! and just thinking about my husband right now is making me so angry my head aches, and he didn’t even really do anything. nothing bad enough to deserve that and the e-mail i sent him this morning LOL….

i have so many things to do, little time to do them, and i am sitting on my ass.. feeling kind of numb..

i heard from BB

so i have a BB update. after three weeks of complete silence, he finally e-mailed me.  i didn’t expect it, it actually caught me by surprise, then it upset me.

it was the usual excuses, haven’t been in the office, blah blah blah. miss you terribly, blah blah blah. would love to see you soon blah blah blah.

i haven’t checked that account since, i am acually avoiding it. i am not ready to respond yet. i don’t want him to think that i am on his timetable, that things are only on his terms.

will i see him again? undecided. i am tired of the yo-yo. but i am not really committed to finding someone new, and am in need of a physical release.

mystery solved

just an update, i am cleared on the homicidal maniac thing.. . my first guess was on the money 🙂

i was stupidly up almost all night reading… *sigh* i really really need to learn how to put the book (kindle) down! i am awful, i need to finish my books, i need to know how they end. i have had three hours of sleep. going to be a nap day for sure!!

exhaustion

i am beyond exhausted today! all i can think about is crawling back into bed. and i am CRANKY! my “special lady time” is either imminent or i am on the verge of becoming a homicidal maniac… lol… stay tuned